I have survived two husbands (don’t worry – they didn’t die and I didn’t kill them) and two children (I also did not kill them) but I swear, between the 3rd husband and the 3rd child, I am not going to make it.

Yesterday The Husband was in an accident and didn’t think it was worth mentioning to me.

Today The Child announced to the entire mosque that she only prays once a day (we’re supposed to pray five times a day) and then proceeded to thief a bracelet from a vendor fair.

Y’all.

I am a worrier and I feel like it is my duty and obligation to worry about The Husband and he knows this. It’s completely unfair for him to take that responsibility away from me.

But The Child. I swear she knows exactly when to say the worst possible thing. To the point where a more suspicious person would believe it was deliberate – she’s brilliant, so it’s possible, but I don’t think she wants me to die of embarrassment. And the thievery! It’s bad enough that she constantly steals my stuff, making me doubt my precarious sanity on a daily basis, but this? I know that most children go through a light-fingered phase but does she have to do it in front of the Imam?